Happy New Year!

i'm just inside of 3 hours left. the last 3 hours of a year spent throwing one yo-yo. it's really, REALLY not a big deal, and i have to say i'm ashamed of playing like it is on instagram and facebook and whatever.

at this point, i'm excited to make good on a deal i made myself. to hold up my own end of the bargain (which, of course, was the only end at all). it feels like one last xmas gift; one i saved for and which i get to open a few days late. in the movie 'rob roy', liam neeson calls honor 'the gift a man gives himself'. i don't know how much 'honor' can be attributed to any aspect of this endeavor, but it feels great going into these last few hours.

tonight, i'll kiss my kids goodnight, along with my wife (she's got to work in the morning). i'll probably put the big ball on tv. and i'll throw yo-yo. i'll try to "throw well" and just be grateful for these moments as they falter and expire with all the swiftness of a wood yo-yo dying into stillness... just like they do every night of every year, regardless of whether or not we pay attention.

i figure i've thrown the 'eh' at least 100,000 times this year. that's a lot of throws for one yo-yo. a lot of catches. a lot of missed tricks. a lot of snap-starts. a lot of spent string and frustration and relief and sanding axles and desperately eeking out sleepers and tuning out vibe... it used to look like this:

and now it looks like this:

i wouldn't trade anything in the world for those 100,000 throws. i wouldn't trade anything for this "not a big deal" experience, because it's the "not a big deal" things that you do (or don't do) that end up  defining who you are. they say 'you are what you eat', but really you are all that you do. you are your huge, grandiose successes and your most terrible failures, but mostly you're all of the tiny moments in between. you're 'washing the dishes' and 'making sure the kids wear their seatbelts' and 'sitting around looking at twitter'. you ARE those moments... and if you're reading this blog, then on some level, and in some way, you are what you throw... and how you throw... and WHY you throw.

in truth, as my time on 365yoyotricks.com wound down, i found myself a little disappointed. in the last few weeks, it occurred to me that so many of the ideas i wanted to explore this year, i never got around to building into tricks. in the beginning, a year seemed like SUCH a long time. it seemed like the path stretched forever and twisted so that i couldn't see more than a few yards in front of me. and then in the middle, it DRAGGED some days (especially on those july afternoons that saw my cotton string slip through my skin like razor-wire). i had some traction, and i had some purpose, but the monotony and routine still made it seem like "the end" was just some amorphous idea that couldn't take form. but on new year's eve... it occurs to me: THIS is what i was able to do with a year. THIS, and no more.

i hit some good tricks, i think. i busted some knuckles. i was a pretty good teacher and a pretty good dad and a pretty good husband. and a pretty good yo-yo player, in my way. i think on new year's eve, you always look at yourself and wonder if all your 'pretty good' could have been something more... and you wonder if you've got it in you to live up to that untapped potential tomorrow. i kept my promise... but do you ever really FULFILL it?

but at the end of the day (and at the end of the year), the overwhelming feeling i'm left with is one of gratitude. i'm SO fortunate to be able to give this kind of frivolous pursuit my attention and commitment. i have it SO GOOD to have been able to spend time thinking about what it means to play with a YO-YO... a TOY... and to be able to have shared this experience with my friends and find that some of them care about it, and even want to be part of it... it has been truly surreal.

a lot of people have asked me what i'll use for my first throw of 2013. it'll be that one at the top of the page there. my yo-yo. i owe it that much, at least.

i wish you the very best in 2013, and thank you sincerely for giving my little internal adventure even a moment of your attention.

winding down...

So it’s the end. Pretty much.

I’ve got, what, a couple of weeks left? “Not with a bang, but a whimper”, as Eliot said. I truly can’t express enough gratitude to accommodate what this whole experience (and this whole year) have meant to me.

• To Steve Buffel for enabling it from the start, and for repressing what would have been a very natural desire to say “hey jerk… remember all that stuff I’ve done for you? Just play my metal yo-yo’s, ok,”. Instead, he made me a truly legendary wooden yo-yo, and supported me full-on.
• To Steve Brown, who thought it’d be alright to give me a weekly spot to share the tricks I felt like doing, even though the vast majority of yo-yoers don’t do fixed axle on the regular.
• To Colin Leland, who has pushed the standard of what wooden yo-yo’s can do harder than anyone, and who agreed to help SPYY share the ‘eh’ on a level I never thought I’d get to see.
• To Drew Tetz, with whom I’ve had a running video-text conversation throughout the year, and who is using fixed axle to dictate “the shape of tricks to come”. It seems like not a week goes by that one of us doesn’t text the other “Is this yours? Have you done this?”
• To the other Light Sleeper Society guys who got on stage at Worlds and gave me their shoes, that was certainly the most amazing extrinsic honor I have received in yo-yoing (or COULD receive, more like).
• To my kids at school and at club, who have been so hilariously patient with me as I’ve tried to teach them Kamikaze and White Buddha using fixed axle. After the first few weeks, they realized ‘yeah, he’s gonna keep this up,’ and resigned themselves to learning tricks with the yo-yo dead.
• And, to all the people who sought out my stuff, who sent me messages of support, or who have given wood a more legitimate shot lately. It’s really gratifying and humbling to be part of this movement of renewed appreciation and trick progression.

I’m a little anxious about the prospect of just grabbing a random yo-yo and walking out the door with it. I’m not sure how easy it will be to go back to playing "just anything". I definitely miss playing 2-handed, but aside from that, I kind of doubt that playing with a bearing will be substantially more fun than what I’m doing now. I’m fairly confident that I’ll feel really bad about my “regular 1a” and its degree of deterioration, but we’ll see. I’m so excited about the directions fixed axle is going that I’m sure I’ll still spend a lot of time doing that (certainly more than just on “Fixed Friday”).

I’m not good at tying a bow on things and saying “that experience is over”, but I suppose that’s the natural consequence of beginning a year-long commitment and seeing it through. In terms of what it’s given me… Aside from a very obvious and intimate (gross!) acquaintance with my yo-yo, I definitely feel I have a better sense for what will and won’t work before I throw down. I’ve got a much more intuitive sense for my own throw than I did a year ago. When you can only really do a trick if your throw is up to snuff, it becomes pretty evident when one is off-kilter. I never had a big hang-up about dings or vibe with any yo-yo, but the last few months have taught me that banging a yo-yo (even a wood one) off of all manner of creation and inducing a vibe that would rival a heavily caffeinated Charlie Sheen can still be perfectly manageable in terms of completing tricks. I have no beef with those that like their yo-yo’s clean and pretty, but it’s neat to have experimented with slamming one yo-yo again and again and still being totally in love with it. I've broken into new personal territory with respect to tuning a yo-yo into its best possible level of play, breaking in axles, and eeking out the dying embers of a throw’s energy.

I would absolutely recommend this experience to anyone. I mean, not having a one off wood yo-yo made for you or anything, but dedicating yourself to one throw for an extended period is a pretty cool exercise. It’s pretty crazy, the degree to which I’ve come to associate myself with the ‘eh’, and not at all because of the name. When one thing goes everywhere with you for a really long time, it kind of takes on the flavor of your experience (and vice versa, I guess).

I think regret is a choice, and generally not a very good one, but I do regret losing the first ‘eh’ with which I began the journey. The one I’ve played the past 8 months is just as wonderful, but I wish I weren’t the type of person to lose things (although it IS the first yo-yo I’ve ever lost – go figure). I kind of wish I didn’t get so much attention for the things I do. Obviously, I make videos so that people will watch them and enjoy them. I write blog posts so that people will read them and think about them. It’s neat to get praise, but I also do those things to challenge myself and dissect myself. It’s probably pretty distracting, both for myself and for others, to get credit for stuff that is supposed to be about ‘arriving at truth’ and I wonder if some of the meaning gets lost.

And so the toys go winding down (to quote Primus). My only resolution for 2013 is to try to be a good person and to make every throw count. I have never, ever, ever been more stoked to throw, which at the end of a journey like this, is a great thing to be able to say. I wish all of you a wonderful holiday season, and sincere thanks for reading about my frivolous toy-playing adventures.

... oh, and i apologize for the caps. i don't know what happened.

want an 'eh'?

here's where they'll be:
http://shop.yoyoexpert.com/product/817/EH-%28Ed-Haponik-x-SPYY-x-TMBR-x-YoYoExpert%29

;)

all strung up and ready to go.

in that last shot, you can see one cool anomaly. most of the "eh's" sport a new red oak leaf to indicate that they were made not in canada, but the u.s.a. steve ended up lasering ONE with the original maple leaf. we're developing a plan for what to do with that special one. ;)

11/12 of the way to forever...

i've been playing the 'eh' for just about 11 months.
actually it was right around a year ago that steve and i first hatched our plan to try this little experiment in self-discovery (or self-deprivation).

you may have heard that, contrary to our initial plans, we will be able to release a small number (less than 50) eh's into the wild via our community's greatest bastion of commerce, yoyoexpert.com. the yo-yo's which will be released are, i will grant you, quite a bit different from what i've been playing. of course they're still fixed axle, still 'dimple-response', still lovely, raw red oak, just begging for you to develop a patina. honestly, they're alike in pretty much all of the important ways. however, these eh's were crafted not in canada, but in oregon, by colin leland of tmbr toys.

colin is the 2011 fixed axle "champion of all the world", an awesome player, and a great friend. when i first fielded this idea to steve a year ago, his thought was "maybe we could get colin to make it for us". obviously, i'm glad steve took a stab at it and made me an unbelievable yo-yo, but when we agreed to try to fire off a small run, it was a natural to ring colin up and see what he was up for. tmbr is the pre-eminent maker of fine, progressive wood yo-yo's on the market today. anyone who even THINKS they might want to try wood should own a tmbr.

steve, colin, and i began an email exchange that has hovered around "everyday" for the past month. i got a proto in the mail from colin a few weeks ago, made right from steve's original specs. once again, i cheated on my commitment to play it (though since it's still an 'eh', i don't even feel bad about it). he knocked it out of the park, and after some ridiculously small adjustments to the profile, he cranked out a full run, sending them off to steve for laser-engraving (he needed to revamp his basement exhaust system to accommodate the ash and dust). i should receive the lot of them in a few days, and will set about the task of assembling them, tuning them, hand-twisting some type-10 cotton string for them, and packaging them.

with any luck, they should be available at yoyoexpert by the 1st week of december. my plan is to update this blog with the link as soon as it is live, along with the initial facebook thread i made asking if anyone was interested.

even after the flying v and the ronin, this is the most excited i've ever been about sharing a yo-yo with the larger community. this year will be inextricably linked in my mind with the 'eh'. it's been in my pocket every day. when i think about it, i've spent MUCH more time playing it than any other yo-yo. it's soaked up my sweat, and i've taken a few of its splinters. i struck out on this journey with the intention of transforming a certain yo-yo into an extension of my hand, and there's been no option but to succeed. time will do that. the yo-yo has developed a more obvious patina, it's left its mark on me as well.

a lot of people have asked me 'what's next', but i have no resolutions in the works. i, myself am vexed when i think about NOT carrying the 'eh' around all day. having a ronin or flying v in my pocket again (or that new ranchero calling my name - yum) just seems so foreign a concept, like cheating on a spouse or something. i've had to "practice" not being tempted to play other yo-yo's to the extent that the habit is ingrained. in the end, though, i think i'll manage. while it's great to develop a sense of "relationship" to the instrument you play... attachment is still attachment. and it ain't no good.

regardless of how much time we've shared, i feel that i SHOULD be able to give the 'eh' away to someone come january just like i'd give away any other yo-yo. it would be tough, and i feel like that's an emotional response that needs some exploration down the road.

for now though, i'm happy (and very excited) to be at this stage. i feel simultaneously very connected to the yo-yo i've been throwing and ready to apply what the past year has done for me to my other spinning toys.

here's a new video which deals with my perspective near the end of this adventure.

yo-yo's i can't wait to play

so, as the end of the year begins to loom, and the reality of being able to enter the yo-yo room without being assailed by temptation sets in, i thought i'd look around and see what yo-yo's i'll be itching to play come january.

a lot of people have asked me what i'm going to throw first at 12:00:01 this january. i really don't know. honestly, the stress of trying to make a meaningful decision or something might incline me to avoid the late hours of new years altogether. last year, i had already been playing the 'eh' for a few weeks when 2011 ticked out its last dying seconds.

i have acquired strikingly few yo-yo's this year; certainly fewer than any of the previous 8 or so years, suring which i've been heavily "into" yo-yoing. that said, there are a few throws that i have yet to throw down which i can't wait to try.

first up is this tmbr freemont. when colin sent this little guy to me, it had a "do not open till 2013" label on it, which was at once cute and brutal. colin sent me one of the original freemont protos, which i moved on to my pal drew in advance of the 2012 challenge. i absolutely cannot wait to throw this yo-yo. all i remember of my tmbrs is how utterly shocked i've always been when i throw them down. colin makes an incredible yo-yo, and i'm honestly more impressed with myself for holding myself back from this sucker than any of the others.

it's pretty painful having brought this trio to yo-yo club for the last few months and having watched the kids throw them. all i get is great feedback on them, which i feel disingenuous passing on without viscerally KNOWING how they play. the ranchero, in particular, calls to me with a devilish siren-song. so pretty.

these aren't the only no jives i've picked up this year, but these are the ones which i'm dying to throw. clean machine with some crazy spalting which i received direct from brad countryman, along with a pair of gorgeous late 90's 3-in-1's from my buddy (and legendary wood-chucker), chuck short. yes that's an unfinished no jive on the right (only one i've seen without the "special" stamp), and yes that's a green/yellow, played-to-hell, reverse-stamped no jive which was one of chuck's main players during the boom. yeah, i'll be having some fun with those. i love a yo-yo with stories to tell.

it's hard. you try not to be an egomaniac. you try not to let things like "your own signature model yo-yo" get to your head. honestly though... to have two of them that you don't let yourself play for a year feels almost wasteful. i miss all of my v's (guess i should call them "flying v's" now that mickey has a v, himself - thanks, mick! ;)), but i'm probably more excited by the prospect of throwing the ronin again. 1. i've been throwing responsive stall tricks and flyaway dismounts all flippin' year, and 2. i just love that thick, creamy, bust-through-walls feeling the ronin has. steve knocked that one out of the park, and i'm interested in whether i approach it from the same angle after a year.

drew tetz is one of my best friends in the world. we don't hang out much, but he really does everything i want to be able to do with a yo-yo better than i can imagine myself doing it (i reread that, and it doesn't all-the-way make sense, but i don't care). i feel like we really get each others' approach. beyond that though, he's just got such cool ideas. his 44rpm flatpack craft is out of this world, and while i think the flatpack kendama is further into the realm of utter genius, i'm positively dying to throw this "moon" yo-yo he sent me.

so there you go. that's what i'm excited about throwing come 01/01/13. i'm not in a rush or anything, but it's fun to look at your toys and make a big stack of the ones you're jiving to play with.

... oh, and there's also this one. hmm... looks a little like the one i posted here, doesn't it? weird.

home stretch

 today is a good day; the kind of day that gets me stoked to be a yo-yo player.

it got started right, watching some of my friends' freestyles from saturday's national yo-yo contest. it always feels nice when good people are rewarded. i've known zach, tyler, pat, and bryan for years now, and they're all such good folks who care deeply about performing pushing the game forward. i wish i could have been there, but i definitely feel like a better dad for having hung out at home for my girl's b-day weekend.

i brought both my kids to our local yo-yo club, where the toy store employees and i were the only players over 10. club is so hard these days with respect to playing wood. the kids don't get the challenge and aren't impressed by the difficulties of fixed axle. to them, yo-yoing is yo-yoing, just as it should be. regardless, club was fun. caitie hasn't thrown much lately, but she learned mach 5 after seeing it twice. it's awesome to watch some of the returning kids developing from tentative "power throws" to their first whip tricks and boings.

i also started to compile a little video of my 365yoyotricks.com vids for the end of the year. i generally don't like to watch my old videos, but i guess i thought it would be neat to look at footage from months back. it was. it turns out, i'm really proud of some of the tricks i've come up with this year (and the older ones which i've hit on wood). going back to some of the footage from january, when i was just starting to figure this yo-yo out, was surreal. so many sessions. so many spent strings. some of the videos call to mind exactly what i was thinking or stressing about; background radiation coloring a year of experiences. i've played SO MUCH this year. i can't even figure how many individual throws (or snap-starts, god help me). and clasped within the untold hours of footage on my hard drive are hilarious head-bonking misses, multiple moments where alex walks right through the shot (once even grabbing the camera), string breaks, axle-burns, sudden downpours... that stuff, more than the few takes where you nail the trick perfectly, really shows who you are as a yo-yo player.

my simple, sweat-stained oak yo-yo has been the primary constant in my life this year. the seasons have come and gone. my kids have grown up a ton. there's been upheaval at the school where i work. but the cotton string that's slid over my hemlock axles all year has tied things together nicely. i've had to tune and caress this yo-yo into its best possible state for every session. might sound like a pain, but that's what i signed up for. last fall, i felt myself not caring about the little things, and with the 'eh', the little things make or break you. same with life, really, though we do our best to ignore it.

it's hard to believe that this journey is over 75% complete, and that in about 12 weeks i can go back to 2-minute combos, axles that never wear out, and bearings that will keep spinning through any kind of mutated hold.

today, it kind of sank in. i'm going to make it. i'm going to have played one wooden fixed axle yo-yo for a year, straight. and while aspects of the commitment have been harder than i thought, i was right that this was the best thing in the world for me to do. i've said before that though playing with a yo-yo isn't epic or important, but using a yo-yo (or anything) to discover yourself and dissolve your illusions most certainly is. if 'cones to balls' challenged me to rethink the seemingly-trivial, this year has demanded that i rethink the absolutely-fundamental. and in rethinking the absolutely-fundamental, i've been relieved to discover that i still just really love to yo-yo. it's amazing to me that there IS so much to love about such a simple act, even when you're 35 and essentially out-of-touch. those rare moments in which we experience the pure, unmitigated glee of making good on our challenge to ourselves (which is what all yo-yoing is about, really) put into perspective the pettiness of the drama, bickering, and self-aggrandizement that would sometimes drag us down.

anyway, i hope it was a good day for you, too.

why i play yo-yo

i said i wanted to get back to basics.

so today, i was eating lunch at panera (having a bread-bowl of the french onion soup, if you want to know). i was thinking about some of my recent frustrations and the ongoing temptation to play with a bearing yo-yo after 8+ months with only the 'eh'. in my last entry, i noted that i kind of associate bearings with "ease" (and therefore, on some level, must associate wood or fixed axle with "difficulty"). whilst sipping fresh lemonade under an overcast sky, i asked myself WHY even a part of me would think or feel things in those terms.

i'm not a competitor - i have no contests to win or lose. i'm not aware of any extrinsic goal-sheet i've set up for myself; no list of tricks i'm ticking off. i'm just playing. at least so far as i know, i don't have any real criteria for either success or failure as a yo-yo player. i just play... but if that's the case, what can possibly be "easy" or "hard"... easy or hard to do what?!?!

i thought about the times when i've felt most "successful" as a yo-yo player; when it's felt most "right". i don't have a long list of titles or accolades to reflect upon, but the few things i've won (or not won) don't have any particular resonance for me in terms of when i've felt successful. i've put out some videos, some of which have been watched by a few people (some of whom have said they enjoyed them)... but even with the end-products i've really liked, i don't associate them with "success" as a yo-yo player either. by and large, the times i've felt most "successful" have occurred while i was PLAYING: casually, joyfully, and solitarily (that may or may not be a word, so how about "alone-ly").

there are definitely some specific sessions and tricks that come to mind; things that i've hit (especially on wood) that i tried and tried for before finally breaking through into some tactile understanding. but when i deconstruct those moments a bit, it's not so much "nailing" the tricks that's mattered. it's not the sensation of the yo-yo whacking the flesh of my palm after a clean fly-away... rather, it's an indescribable feeling of "connection" which i've found universally central to every momentary success i feel i've tallied.

there are those moments for which all of the universe seems to focus itself on what you're doing to enable it to work out in a way that feels "right". sometimes, it's just what you think you intended, and other times it's a big surprise. while i'm yo-yoing, i often find myself working on a sticky concept; something i think i can get or make work, but which is really outside the realm of what i fully understand. i've come to know the landscape of those emotions much better this year; the doubt, the effort, the frustration, and above all, the faith. you throw and you throw, and you think "i'm never gonna hit this"... but then suddenly, through in instant of serenity that seemingly willed itself into existence, you somehow know that you will. other times, in the midst of uncertainty, you find opportunity (hi, einstein!), and by the same amazing grace, you bust down the door into new creative territory which had never occurred to you.

i've hit so many tricks like that; discovered so many tricks like that. and i'm sure everyone has. the common thread that knits them all together is that sense of focus and connection with what i'm doing. it's as if i only get to really be 100% "at home" with myself in those moments, which are obviously ancient history as soon as the yo-yo responds.

except that the great thing is, the more you play, the more you realize that the connections aren't really gone at all. you can learn to feel your way into those moments; maybe not by straining and sweating to get there, but by relaxing and appreciating that your REASON for trying to nail the trick and the sense of calm focus which will eventually enable you to do so... are actually one and the same! it's available - it's there all the time... and realizing that makes yo-yoing much more personal, much more meditative, and ultimately way more productive.

i'm a better person because i play yo-yo. i used to doubt that sentiment; used to deflect onlookers' praise by saying stuff like "well, it's not like i'm doing anything great for society." don't get me wrong; you're not curing cancer by playing with your yo-yo, but if you can make yourself into a calmer, happier, more patient person... if you can recognize the signs of others around you who are struggling with the doubt and uncertainty of hitting this or that [metaphorical] trick and help them through that... if you can find yourself in a simple trapeze and just feel it - not just the yo-yo and the string, but the enormity of the cosmos, spinning and vibrating right along with you... i think your yo-yoing is pretty damn useful.

by practicing this stuff, you're not just idly "spending free time" as so many passers-by like to mention. you're breaking down doors within yourself. you're connecting yourself to the laws and forces which shape everything around us, from atoms to galaxies. you're shirking off the material limitations of your being and BECOMING the trick you're throwing down. within that larger framework, there's no reason why wood should be a limitation and no reason why metal should be a convenience. it's clear that the part of me that wanted this journey to be over so i can play with a bearing and hit this or that with "ease" had become a little lost and a lot disconnected from what's most important to me about playing.

whether with metal, plastic, wood, or terra cotta... i know i can find the way to play "like myself", which is the pathway to something greater. the contests are great, the sponsorships are great, the respect is great, the yo-yo's are great, and the friendships are (super) great. but as awesome as all of those things are, in the end, they're not why i keep throwing down. when i'm in the right frame of mind, lost in a trick without a care in the world for what i'm getting out of it, for a moment i don't know where i end and everything else begins. those are the moments i'm chasing, and that's why i play yo-yo.

(... *terra cotta 2013. let's do it, steve.) ;)


*not really

temptation and acceptance

with significantly greater frequency lately, i have caught myself REALLY wanting to throw a bearing yo-yo. the first 7 months or so of this endeavor pretty much passed without notable temptation. the 'eh' is a really good fixed axle yo-yo, and the challenge of figuring out how to set it up was an engaging one.

i've pretty much got the thing dialed now (after 8 months with it). i know just how to prep my axles so i don't burn through them immediately (i still carve a trench through them after a few weeks). i'm adept at sanding out chips and lining up grain to minimize vibe. i can tell how this or that string will respond before i put it on. most of all, i've got a much more deeply entrenched and intuitive sense for what i'm going to be able to hit with relative ease... and what i'm going to have to sweat (and sometimes bleed) for. i have a visceral understanding of its weight and tactile feeling, even when it's nowhere near me (which is virtually never).

while it's awesome to have developed such a deep connection with one yo-yo, it takes a bit of the mystery (and certainly the variety) out of the equation.

i miss the feeling of "ease" in yo-yoing, which is funny, because i've spent so much energy denouncing the idea that it should be easy. i'll be at club and the guys will be talking about this or that mount, and i'll be all "oh! that reminds me of THIS!!!" ... only to remember that i'd only be likely to nail "THIS" on wood after around 100 tries. going back to school has been rough, too. a lot of my kids have yo-yo's (big, mean, unresponsive metal ones)... and it's hard not to be jealous of their spin time! i keep thinking how fun it'll be when i get back from xmas break, able to bring a different yo-yo every day (especially the dynamo, ranchero, and orbitron, which i've only been able to heft and gawk at in awe).

by and large, the kids do NOT get it. "why do you always throw the same old wood yo-yo?" is a question i'm answering every day (often to the same few kids), and i find it's kind of a hard idea to explain to a 10 year-old.

"because it's a challenge."
"because i'm trying to push my yo-yoing in a more holistic direction."
"because although it's frustrating when things are hard, it can also feel deeply satisfying."
"because i feel like a more authentic player when i strip away the modern conveniences."

only the first of those is even momentarily acceptable to a kid who's trying with all their might to get trapeze consistent.

don't get me wrong; i'm not even considering backing out of the deal with 4 months to go. and honestly, i bet throwing metal again will end up feeling a bit anticlimactic after the first 10 minutes. i really do love what i'm doing and feel much more connected to the tricks i'm coming up with. i'm just at the hard part; more than half through the journey i described for myself, but still tens of thousands of throws before i'll let myself be free.

sometimes, you get in a bit of a rut, and you think "if only i could DO THIS or GO THERE", but i really think that reflects a messed-up mindset. my wife sometimes catches me checking the surf report (we live 200 miles from the ocean), and the other day she asked me "how much time per day do you think you wish you were doing something else?" it kind of caught me funny. i don't see myself as being dissatisfied or malcontent, but i do spend a lot of time thinking about things "i used to do" or "would like to do". surfing, skating, practicing aikido, being in hawaii or the tetons, rocking out in a band... i like to think i've had a pretty awesome life. i've been able to do some pretty fun (if not radical) things, and i like to feel connected to them, regardless of where i am now. maybe that diminishes my ability to appreciate here and now. i hope not. you make certain choices, and you live with them as you can.

regardless, i need to back up and really remember what the reasons for this whole year-long challenge were. i've taken a lot from the journey (in ways both expected and otherwise), and that i owe it the full ride is a given. i'm arriving at a simpler version of myself as a yo-yo player, and in a way which i could not have come to through any other means. so while i may say i miss bearings and i may check the surf report in wrightsville... here and now is still just fine.

chop wood, carry water.

Oathbreaking and Other Worldly Adventures

back home.

this has, without question, been the best summer ever. i say that at the end of a lot of summers (though not all of them). but this time for serious. between two trips to disney world, two weeks in hawaii, worlds, and a thousand adorable memories of my kids scraping knees, splashing in pools, and blowing bubbles as they feel their way through existence... 2012 is victorious.

worlds was such a spectacular time. as one of the old guys, it's so special to watch people grow up and grow into themselves while still remaining true to simple happiness (as yo-yoing is wont to cultivate). i will intersperse some pictures from the trip, beginning with this shot of sid, whose rosen-carpet camo shirt made his torso difficult to see.

this was the first time that i've taken only one yo-yo to worlds (technically i brought a backup of the 'eh', but never needed to use it). the complications inherent to my one-yo-yo-for-2012 adventure were immediately apparent as i pulled up to the rosen. tons of people wanted to try it, and everyone seemed to like and appreciate it, which made me happy. when they handed me their yo-yo's, however, all i could do was kind of stare at them and 'heft' them a bit. a couple kids wanted my opinion of this or that metal, and i had nothing to give them beyond 'it has a nice weight' or 'i really like this step here'. it was strange, and an aspect of this challenge i'll not miss.

this was also the first time that i've left the rosen so frequently. for whatever reason, i kept waking up early. since this is a sin and an abomination among most yo-yoers, and the only people in the event hall at 7am are those who haven't gone to sleep yet, i just kept walking and did some mornings at disney world, which, despite my obvious and debilitating addiction, i had never done alone! i've heard people say 'oh it's no fun without the kids,'... which is a complete crock. it's EXACTLY as much fun, just with less whining.

the contest itself is always less interesting to me than the silly little events which surround it. i don't mean to minimize the freestylers - i love the drama and artistry of the finals - but it's always very serious and tense, and that's not why i yo-yo. things like playing butterfly horse while having freestyle rap battles are a pretty solid metaphor for why i yo-yo (it probably shows). butterfly horse was amazing, and i did better than i thought, unseating rick wyatt in the semis. nate sutter was too much for me, however, and i flaked out on miggwave (formerly known as shockwave). had john bot performed his new experimental style (in which you throw through the collar of your sweatshirt with your arms connected), he probably would have won. also, YES, my participation implies that i cheated on my 2012 commitment. I DID PLAY A BUTTERFLY (actually 3 of them) IN BUTTERFLY HORSE. somehow, i feel like it's not cheating if it's something planned rather than impulsive... ok, it still is, but if that's the only asterisk on the year, i'm just fine with it.

anyway, i did better in the fixed axle throwdown (during which i went back to the 'eh'), which is my favorite event at worlds by far. over the years, the players have completely reinvented it to fit their desires, and now, it hardly resembles a traditional yo-yo contest at all (for which i am very thankful). it starts with the 8 best, most creative and dedicated fixed axle players we (or drew) can find. the 'wheel of penalty' decides a trick category (this year included 'unattached', 'repeater', 'pause', 'picturesque', 'big air', etc), and players vote with their shoes for the best trick. whatever its level of official sanctioning, winning it was pretty much the best thing i've ever done in [quasi-] competitive yo-yoing, and the trophies by 44rpm and TMBR Toys are so much better than the actual worlds trophies, it's kind of a disgrace (see below).
 

wheel of penalty is always memorable. i'm not sure how 2 not-chubby asian kids were able to withstand both team chubby lovin' AND the yeti, but i guess it happened! almost as entertaining was takahiro iizuka's accidental nap in the main hall. i don't think he had been asleep 2 minutes before people started building a chair-fort around him and stacking trash on his head. every year, some poor soul crashes at 3am to the delight of all. he was good about it.

the freestyles were fantastic. i wasn't universally able to pick the winners, but i think all of them were deserving (if that makes sense). my personal favorites were maya and tyler's 5a, brian's 4a, hank's 3a, shu's 2a, and harold's 1a. i'm always awed by how much guts and poise it takes to keep control on stage, but still be dynamic. every year, we get treated to freestyles like that, some of which earn trophies, and some of which do not... they deserve more than that, regardless.

kudos to my friend and teammate, sebastian brock, for organizing a exhibition of freestyles from competitors who didn't make it into finals. although i had already bolted and was passed out like a proper 35 year-old in serious sleep-debt, it's the best idea ever and, by was all accounts, a great way to end the event. the representation of team spyy was teeny (me, gary, sebby, and nate), but i think we made up for it with our enthusiasm. i love those guys.

i should mention that there was also a dance party after finals, which i did not understand at all (granted i am old, and cannot be expected to understand such things).

the elephant in the room was (and remains) prague. i'm not associated with the guys who are planning to reboot worlds in europe for next year, and i don't have much to say about that here... other than i think it will be an amazing contest, and that i think it's time for a change. yes, i had a great time at worlds, just like i do every year. yes, i'm very thankful for the work that greg cohen and his volunteers have put in over the years. i have benefited immensely from having worlds so convenient to me. but it's static. it's stagnating, and yo-yoing stagnates with it. now you have some awesome people who know modern yo-yoing and modern yo-yo contests and want to take the best aspects of worlds and make it even better AND provide exciting, potentially rotating venues to make it a truly WORLDwide event.

worlds collide

well... if all goes according to plan (which it occasionally does), 24 hours from now i should be freshly arrived at the rosen plaza hotel for my 5th trip to the world yo-yo contest. the hyponitic carpet (who knew tones of maroon and taupe could be so distracting), the cardboard pizza at the lite bite, the universally ignored swimming pool... and of course the teeming throngs of yo-yo players, slick with sweat at the prospect of demonstrating their mad skills to other like-hobbied hipster-nerds.

i love worlds, and with the prospect of this being the last one (of consequence) in orlando for awhile, i'm keen to enjoy it. this will obviously be the first time i've attended whilst throwing only wood, and it's funny to be packing for worlds and only bringing one yo-yo and a cone of string. i imagine the weirdest part will be the complete lack of trying out anyone else's yo-yo. a big part of worlds is the hardware, and while i'm excited for some of my friends who have new signature editions coming out... i don't much care about the new yo-yo's themselves (since i have no prospect of trying one for at least 5+ months).

spyy has some nice exceptions on the horizon, and i can't get my hands on the team edition orbitron 5000... even if just to heft it and say 'throw you in january'. plus, the new pistolero reboot, 'el ranchero' looks amazing, and if it's predecessor is any indication, will be an incredible player as well. i suppose i'll be excited to see red's new duncan barracuda and the mark allen sentinel by werrd, too.

my self-imposed exile has been going well. the 'eh' has been to hawaii. it's been to space mountain again (and will go again a few times during worlds for sure. it's picked up some nice scars and i've burned through a few axles. the only times i've been tempted to break oath, honestly, have been while i'm trying to teach something at club. it's SO much easier to teach string tricks with a bearing. i'm pretty incapable of really slowing things down using the 'eh', and some of my harder, longer tricks i can maybe hit only 1-2 times of 10 on fixed axle. in terms of actual play though, i'm pretty sure i could keep this up forever and not miss metal significantly, which has been a surprise.

i'm not competing at worlds (if it weren't obvious). i think it would be cool to see a serious fixed axle 1a freestyle with progressive stalls and stop n go's (and slack/whip elements) embedded within the prelims... but it's not going to be me, because i wouldn't care enough about the outcome to really push. it would be neat though, to see how the judges would react to 1a elements that are so far outside the norm. i'm signed up for ladder, but that's not really 'competition'; just fun (and with wood i don't expect to get far). the only contest (besides wheel of penalty) that i care about is the annual fixed axle throwdown, run by drew tetz, randy jansen, nate sutter, colin leland, and myself. those other guys really push the limits of the subspecialty, and i'm always amped to hang out and watch them play.

so tonight's the night. gonna pack the van, wake up at 5 or so, head down interstates 77, 26, 95, and 4 before rolling up i-drive and hanging out with so many of my friends. worlds is such a cool scene, in that it underscores what an interconnected tribe we are. doesn't really matter what language you speak or where you come from; if you have a yo-yo in your hand, you're 'in'. and all of the petty drama that we invent to keep the boards burning for the last 360 days or so is quelled by the fact that, in person, most people would really just prefer to be nice to each other and trade tricks than bad-mouth a company or be rude to another player. there are exceptions, but few and far between. it's a nice, chill little scene we've cultivated and i'm stoked for the chance to bask in it again.

hope to see you tomorrow!

LOST... but no big deal...

 
i lost my yo-yo. this is the first yo-yo i've lost in 20-something years of playing with yo-yo's (i admit that some i've broken and discarded; notably ALL of the midnight specials i threw religiously throughout my childhood).

this would kind of be a big deal for me, seeing as i'm only throwing the one yo-yo all year. i guess it could even be said that i've officially FAILED in my mission to throw one yo-yo for all of 2012... however, to those might say "that [yo-yo] was [his] last hope," i answer "no. there is another."

the 'eh' disappeared on 5/19, while i was waiting for my daughter to finish her second swim practice of the summer. i was hanging out on our pool's playground with my son. he was clambering on things and i was shooting the moon with equal glee, garnering the amazed attentions of a few kids hanging out nearby. we had picked up chick-fil-a for dinner, and alex had received some sort of round lantern for a toy (what kind of lame kids' meal toy is that?)... which was about the same size and weight as a yo-yo.

at some point i sat on the little picnic table under the gazebo, and i must have put the 'eh' down. with the aforementioned toy in my pocket, i apparently did not notice its absence when i got up. though i realized it as soon as i got home, it was not there when i went back. perhaps one of the kids who were so enamored of my trickery snagged it as i made my exit. perhaps they even though i left it behind on purpose.

in any case, though i was crestfallen to realize that my yo-yo was gone, it occurred to me shortly thereafter that there are worse fates which may befall a yo-yo than to be picked up by an excited child.

eventually, i accepted the inevitable; that i was not going to find the 'eh' in the short-term, and that i had to move on to phase 2. fortunately, when devising this scheme, both steve and i recognized that the ephemeral nature of a wooden yo-yo might preclude it from a full year of constant play. it's not unlike the sci-fi movie contact, where the billionaire benefactor reveals a second trans-dimensional space center after the untimely destruction of the first: "why have one, when you can have two for twice the price?" (thanks again, steve.)

i had put so much time and energy into doctoring my first 'eh' to play perfectly that when i made the switch, it was pretty striking. the wood was raw, white, and virginal. the sleeve needed to be sanded and "burnt in" in. the gap was all wrong and the axle too long. most of all, i just needed to play the hell out of the thing. every yo-yo is different, and when you're dealing with wood, even two yo-yo's of the same make and model will respond differently. regardless, the fact that there is no silver bullet (wow, what a pun), and no panacea for getting wood yo-yo's to work well is perhaps, what i find most compelling about playing them.

the last 3 weeks or so have been a blur of hard play. i've seen the oak soak in a great deal of my sweat and filth (and that of the world). i've made a video with it, and have made the segue into using it for my 365yoyotricks.com entries. it's survived a few walk-the-dogs on concrete and wooded trails (yes, i walk the dog - deal with it). i've handed it off to a few kids to try at our new "yolex" yo-yo club (not ideal since i then have nothing to throw!). it's gone on a few nice day-trips in the early summer and a jaunt down to disney for star wars weekends (during which i used it to show the darth vader the "darth vader" trick - impressive. most impressive.)

perhaps it's also noteworthy that writing this post has also been the most time i've spent online in a few weeks. i've found that spending time on the computer has made me feel really disingenuous lately. too much time cultivating or maintaining some kind of 'persona', and not enough time just being a person. i need to spend more time interacting with my family (or skateboarding, paddling, cutting the lawn, and otherwise embracing the real & here & now) than i do crafting pithy statuses, posting pictures that make me feel interesting, or polishing my own virtual effigy. i do try to be earnest and simple with these posts, so i thought it was a decent exception (ok, and especially for that vader pic).

so, maybe i failed to hang on to the original 'eh'. maybe i should be more broken up about it (i AM sorry i was so careless with it, steve). i'm a big believer in accepting consequences for one's actions though. i make a LOT of mistakes, and i don't always get held accountable to the extent that i should. i lost the 'eh' at a time when i kind of needed a series of wake-up calls. when life gives you those moments, you can either lie around bemoaning your fate or existence, or you can wind back up and get spinning again, truer and better than before.

you lose yourself. you find yourself... or start over.

a guided tour of the 'eh', and a new video

first off, here's a video! it's been forever since i put together a clip (and never with the "eh", so here goes! here it is on vimeo!



thought someone somewhere might be interested in looking more closely at the yo-yo steve made for me. here's a brief tour of the only throw i've known this year. in that first pic, you can see some of my favorite aspects, the grain and the engraving. the body is oak, which is porous. the perforated veins of xylem and phloem are easy to distinguish. the whole yoyo oaks up sweat like a rag, and in 4 months has developed a lovely patina. the engravings are about 1mm deep and easy to make out in any light. the only issue with them is that when they catch a fingernail, they will drag a chunk of it off. small price to pay.

(click the images for big)

here's the obligatory "open" shot. as you can see, it's a fixed wood axle yo-yo, with a replaceable axle kind of like the no jive's. these axles are made of hemlock, which is a bit soft, but has worked really well. i'm using duncan friction stickers for extra snap. i actually stick em on something flat and manually scratch off all of the tacky material, leaving only the linen (which is all that's needed with wood) before adhering them to the yoyo. both sides have built in dimples, but they don't really provide enough variation for adequate response on their own.

In this shot, you can see the only 'non-cellulose' material pretty well. the 'eh' has brass thread inserts and a steel axle. this makes it MUCH easier to maintain, and way more sturdy than all-wood construction. this is probably also the aspect which made the eh so difficult to get "just right", and why spyy would be loathe to make a production run of them. take-apart design still precludes me from any more "1955" contests at worlds, but the trade off of replaceable axles is necessary.




i'm using a special aluminum jig (not pictured) to sand my axles evenly. i've over-sanded a few of them. the last set steve sent me were quite long, so i can kind of 'guess and check'. too long, the gap is wide and you get loose winds and up loops. too short and you sacrifice spin time.





i'm still using the same old 'cones to balls' type 10 cotton string. this cone is definitely on its way out, but the stuff lasts so much longer than normal, thin cotton, that i rarely use more than one string a day. i'm pretty adept at twisting at this point, if i do say so. this year has really brought into relief the difference having good string can make. people make a big deal about having this or that poly for great whips or lacerations, but with fixed axle, even your sleeper suffers if you have the wrong stuff.


here's how the 'eh' compares with two relatively common shapes (or maybe they just USED to be common), a fhz and a no jive. it's definitely got more of a fhz profile. the edges are quite sharp, which can hurt on whacks, but i need every milligram of mass on that outer rim to get the most out of my spin.

so there you have it; the spyy "eh" in all it's glory. simplicity is truly bliss... or anyway, it's all i know!

stalling in the golden age

you hear a lot about "golden age" these days. a lot of it is just bs self-importance, but every now and then it rings true. sure yo-yoing has been around for generations, and we've already had any number of golden ages, really... but when i think about how i'll look back on this time, the past 5-10 years... i don't know. it's special.

i love the peralta documentary riding giants, and this section about the early days exploring the north shore of oahu is just golden (you should watch it - i'll wait). we don't have breaks in yo-yoing, we have trick elements. tricks are neither created nor destroyed; they're just discovered. once you find something unique and interesting, if you advertise it, others can go there. it can blow up like the banzai pipeline and become a place people go to test themselves.

in that context, i feel as though so many guys (and girls) are uncovering so much deeply personal territory right now. i don't think that we'll ever run out of material. with adaptations in technique and materials, creative people will always have somewhere new to explore.

this is an especially exciting time for fixed axle yo-yoing. there aren't many people really pushing themselves through it, but the people that are are fantastic. you have drew tetz with his butterfly and crazy acrylic punch out yo-yo's. you have colin leland, whose putting out the most exciting wooden throws in decades (and throwing killer tricks). as a result, you've got all these guys who have always been incredible with whatever yo-yo (nate sutter, miggy, gabe lozano, gary longoria...) battling each other in fixed axle horse.

stall tricks are a great example of undiscovered territory. the first time i can remember intentionally stalling a tug-responsive yo-yo was at the :50 mark of my first no jive video. since then, SO MANY stall tricks have become apparent it's ridiculous. it's particularly suited to fixed axle because of the response and the necessity of regenerating due to the ephemeral spin. bucket stalls, triangle stalls, new stop-n-go's, reverse-spin stalls... it's like finding an island of tricks that's been there forever but which everyone ignores. players are so concerned with how long their yo-yo spins that the idea of focusing on stopping it seems absurd.

i'm focusing on stalls, because it's a big part of what i like to do, but really, EVERY facet of yo-yoing is like this. sideways tricks have become a bit overblown in recent years (just like off-plane did before them), but that well isn't dry. for people who really want to find a new and different way to approach yo-yoing, the only restrictions are internal.

i think when we're all old yo-yo geezers, we'll look back on these days and perceive the unimaginable vastness of what lay before us, as yet undiscovered. we'll appreciate in a way that's impossible within the frenetic microcosm of today the purity with which we sifted through the possible. we'll look at the up-and-coming players and not dismiss their "post-new-school" tricks as ugly or derivative, but understand that we're all exploring the same unconquerable frontier, that every throw hides a piece of the mystery, and that every age is golden.

beautiful inconsistencies and the end of frivolous wandering

yesterday i had one of my first "structural" catastrophes so far. the 'eh' was lounging comfortably in the left pocket of my jean jacket, which was draped over a chair at the kitchen table. when i plopped myself down upon it, i felt the subtle, yo-yo shaped indentation a millisecond before the full weight of my posterior transferred itself. though i was proud of my reflexes, the damage had been done. on the next throw, something was off, and when you spend all of your time throwing one yo-yo, having something 'off', even by a little, is like a toxic splinter lodged deep within your mind.

the 'eh' had picked up a slight flutter, and i immediately realized that my ineptitude at the table had resulted in a very slight bend, either to the axle or (more critically AND more likely) to one of the set screws inside the halves. when i pulled out the replaceable axle (my last good one), i saw that it was warped like the tour. i've bent the bejeezus out of wooden yo-yo's before, but it's a little less stressful when you've got 50 other 3-in-1's just like it (and a near-unlimited supply of axles). with patience and intensity that i'm sure my cats thought were ridiculous, i bent the shape back as well as i could and changed the axle sleeve. i had to shim it and remove the dead sticker i'd been using because the gap was a bit on the thin side. it was a pity, because earlier, i had the thing playing perfectly.

so far, it's behaving. no real vibe or inconsistency, but yo-yo's don't heal, and if i screwed something up it'll show its face again. it's funny. if i ever have to switch to my backup, it'll really kill me to have worked in the finish so well. they are really two totally different yo-yo's now. not unlike the human condition, the fragility and transiency of a wooden yo-yo never ceases to inspire me.

years ago, jason tracy (one of the late 90's best yo-yoers and even more a wood fanatic than myself) told me that what he liked best about wood yo-yo's is the fact that you have to accept the inconsistency. your yo-yo is not going to feel the same on a hot, muggy day as it does on a dry, wintery one. a microscopic change to the axle or inside-profile, and tricks will go from being your bread and butter to straight-up unthinkable. i delight in developing the skill to minimize those issues, but it never goes away. and while i understand that most yo-yo players have gear on the brain so as to never have to worry about issues with consistency, the natural variability of wood is one of the aspects of yo-yoing i find most compelling.

with a bit of practice, anybody can surf in a wave-tank. always the same shape, temperature, lack of chop. but surfing is about coming to understand not so much the technique as the ocean. somedays it'll be big and burly. some days it'll be tiny and unassuming. very rarely is it 'perfect' (and when it is, you feel all the more blessed if you come to it through difficulty). it's about coming to terms with all of the vast factors outside of your control, and being the best version of yourself in spite of them. accepting your place not as master and commander, but just part of the "ocean"- the greater mystery - is what playing wood is all about.

the re-evaluation of my miniscule jurisdiction of control aside, one of the aspects of this project which i'm finding most challenging is my method for developing new tricks. there's a whole class of yo-yo tricks (like stalls and stop-n-go's and other regens) for which this sort of yo-yo is perfectly suited. i love those tricks, but i'm also trying to push my regular old 1a forward concurrently, and that's tough. this yo-yo sleeps fine for wood, but depending on the string and gap i'm using, i have about 20 seconds of MAXIMUM exploration time before i'm out of spin. (i might be able to eek out double that on a straight sleeper, but not if i'm making my way through some hold.)

as a result, the 1a tricks i'm coming up with are much less 'exploratory' and much more 'theoretical' (if that distinction makes sense). with a bearing, i'd follow the tried and true process of starting a trick or combo i know and purposely 'messing it up' to explore a new concept. i don't have time for that anymore. by the time i even know where i am, my spin is dying, and i have to see the exit like a chess game, a few moves ahead, or else try to complete the trick with a dead yo-yo (a technique i've seen henry dineen employ frequently).

today, while lying in bed and listening to npr, i worked out an entire trick in my head, from mount to flyaway. i've been trying to do something new with escolar's pure143 mount for weeks, and i dunno... i guess something about the rick santorum story really inspired me to focus on... anything else.

i went downstairs with a whole trick in my head, but no idea if my tools (or skills) were up to the holds. i've definitely done this with individual moves before, but never a complete trick, and it was pretty neat to have the whole concept together before i even threw down (particularly since i'd been grappling with the entry). it took me over an hour to get through a 10 second trick, but it was so rewarding. as a yo-yoer, i've never really been much of a theoretician. i try stuff, and since most of the stuff i try is extremely short and to-the-point, it doesn't require much in the way of forethought. i just do it till i land it, and if i happen to find a new path along the way, i'll stroll down and check it out. now that i no longer have the capacity for such idle meanderings, i can feel my trick ideas becoming more focused and centered. it's neat to have necessity dictate the terms of your approach to a new trick.

i've never really thought that yo-yo tricks need to have a 'point', and yet my tricks' content are suddenly dependent upon them, as idly 'following leads' runs me out of gas every time. it's one thing to call out a mount and then synthesize real-time feedback as you see and feel where it goes in front of you. to connect an entry, a series of holds, and a relevant escape and THEN get it under your fingers is a skill for which i find myself grossly (and delightfully) unprepared.

i could have told you that this experience would cause me to reevaluate aspects of my playing, but i could never have predicted which aspects those would be. even after years of playing wood, it never really occurred to me how dependent i was, creatively, upon using a bearing yo-yo to figure out ideas before migrating the technique to more a difficult medium.

in other news, my friend Luke Hildebrand sent me one of his yo-yo creations, which i received in the post this afternoon. a 1-piece cocobolo beauty with embedded buffalo nickels, i can safely say that this is the first yo-yo i've been tempted to play since i started with the 'eh'. i think they're sold out at hildybros.com, but you should check out the blog regardless.

1/12 of the way to forever

well... february. it's officially a month. technically a bit more since i started before xmas. i'm not sure what the longest period i've ever played only one yo-yo has been, but i'm certain i've eclipsed it.

i'm very excited about yo-yoing. i feel as though i'm closer to the core of how i "mean to play" than i ever have been. i was a little nervous about just doing the same tricks over and over, but i LIKE to play so much that i'm coming up with things that amp me by accident. that's the way it should be. i blame part of that increased sense-of-stoke on 365yoyotricks.com. watching my pals throw down big tricks every day (and no lack of them fixed axle) makes yo-yo doldrums incomprehensible.

i'm struck by the fact that i really haven't had a reason to touch or even look at other yo-yo's during this time. i compared my 'eh' and its developing patina (do you call it 'patina' if it's wood?) with my backup (which sits idly on a rack). it's amazing the dirt and joy that just a month of play can enclose within porous oak. i am not a delicate person, and i do not always treat my 'nice things' with appropriate care. i asked steve for this yo-yo knowing it would have to become an extension of my body, and i'm not really happy if my body isn't being beat up a bit. as such, the 'eh' has seen its share of spills and tumbles, caroming off of concrete and brick... occasionally running into an oblivious passer-by ("i never hit anyone accidentally" - great 'quarter trick' line).

lately, i've shifted back to my old type 10 'cones to balls' string. the cone, given to me by steve brown, still has some heft, and the string encircling it retains all of the spring and snap it must have had when it was originally wound in some lost age. i've scorched through a few axles, and snapped a few strings. i'm feeling good about how i've dialed the gap and response into reluctant harmony.

my kids at school do not understand, and i'm kind of glad of it. they ask me why the same yo-yo every day, and why wood, and why no bearing. my best answer is that i wanted a challenge (the more complicated truth that 'it's the path toward how i want to play' is not how you answer a 10 year-old asking about a yo-yo). to them, triple or nothing is a challenge. a single, staccato eli-hop is a challenge. a decent, stable sleeper is a challenge.

somewhere, deep inside each of those things, there is a challenge for me too. the challenge of throwing a sleeper and really living within the ephemeral friction... embracing the anxious reality that every eli hop could impotently miss the string... the challenge of really BEING THERE as the yoyo revolves in sacred ellipses, falling toward the string on triple or nothing. i want to hit hard tricks. i want to make up hard tricks. but what i'm noticing is that with bearings, i tend to miss the simple stuff. not that i fail to hit the tricks, but i fail to take notice of them. the simple beauty of a well-executed ripcord or the thwack of a flyaway. the smell of an axle you've set smoking and the feel of wood chastising lackadaisical knuckles. it just feels more real and contiguous than ever to me right now.

living and playing in this way, a month kind of snuck up on me. will a year do the same? and then what? if tomorrow were 12/31/12, i would have no desire to go back to ball bearings. i don't care for how they sound. i don't care for how they feel. i don't care for the complacent, take-it-for-granted way that i find myself playing them by comparison. my friends pull it off, but it makes me feel like a phony. i'm not a big proponent of 'forever'. i think 'right now' is the real commitment, the ultimate challenge, and the greater underlying purpose to this exercise in indulgent self-exploration...

but so far... so very good.

string-ball 2

so i've been at it a week.

so far everything is hunky-dory... ducky, as it were. there are definitely a few short tricks that i had down on metal yo-yo's that i simply can't do on wood (mostly protracted combos i made up), and a metric ton more that take major concentration. i don't 'miss' being able to throw without the need to be fully committed to every trick, but i definitely notice it. i can eek out an 17-18 second 'trick' on this yo-yo so far. haven't tried a long sleeper, but i'd bet my max right now is about twice that long.

besides the time/spin constraint, wood reminds you that it's perpetually prepared to snap back on you. pretty much every 'reasonable' trick (i.e. no triple-lindy's or crazy layers in the gap) can be worked through with mega-aggressive response. you just have to know the how to 'see' the string formation in a way that reveals where the slack will play near the axle. by 'slack', i don't mean a big section of string swinging lazily through the air; i mean the circumference about 1mm above the axle that starts the response chain-reaction. getting back in tune with that little zone has been fun, especially since it's been limited to getting to know the dimensions of a single yo-yo.

i started a string-ball this weekend, from the discarded cotton strings i'd left on our guest bed (you're welcome stacy). i've been using type 8 cotton mostly. i have a skein that feels just right, but it only lasts about half as long as my type 10 cone. as a guess, i think i'm getting about 45m of throw-time before the string looks raw and decrepit around the axle. the dead duncan friction sticker i've added for augmented snap definitely accelerates the string's demise. from how i'm starting off, i think this ball will be significantly larger than the one i generated from cones to balls, but we'll see.

i haven't considered being 'unfaithful' yet. my yo-yo room is still fun to be in despite not being able to reach for any of the throws therein. that said, i have almost thrown a few other yo-yo's. when in my daughter's room the other day, i noticed she left a projam on the floor, and i reached down to pick it up. i was moments away from giving it a perfunctory throw down before i caught myself. at school, a student asked to give the 'eh' a toss, and when i gave it to him he handed me his solaris. i'm so used to the ritual of momentarily trading yo-yo's at contests and club meets, that i had started to put on the slipknot before i realized it. the weirdly alien feeling of holding metal for the first time in almost 3 weeks is what jolted me out of the routine.

more later. must throw.